If you dare... write.

Any given birthday witnesses an outpouring of Facebook well-wishes as far as the mouse can scroll. Whose head would not swell perusing who remembered them on their special day?

But in the interest of self-respect, they should stop right there - keep it in their head. And not denigrate themselves online with foolish narcissisms like “___ feels so loved by all the bday wishes from her facebook friends”.

Acknowledging all the affection appears so warmly human, but scratch beneath the pile of pixelated pronouncements and you mostly find expedient social duty.

For do people who wish others using bland permutations of well-worn clichés really care? They might – but only enough to glance at the top right corner of their screen then tap out a templated "Happy birthdaayy! Have a good one!"

Granted, they might be connecting with someone they care for, but it should not warrant the recipient to feel any more remembered than say, an alarm clock that rings, or car that needs servicing. I.e. when the time comes, it is something that should be done. It may be that they wouldn't want to be the only one who didn't publicly show face.

Even romantic prospecting has to be validated by public exposure. For every other “Hey girl, Happy birthday! Hang out soon! :)”, read “Maybe one day we can hook up? ;p” The former can’t even be sent as a message anymore – that's too personal and awkward – it has to be on the Wall. Is private correspondence so lost on Generation Zuckerberg?

It was so much more exciting when we greeted and flirted one-on-one. Now an internet-wide standard-size Tahoma has replaced all that cute handwriting and private thrill. The Facebook post has killed the Hallmark star.

Almost.

Rage against the dying of the private and sincere. For a start, acknowledge the tap-and-click Facebook efforts with a simple "Noted" – that's probably all it deserves. Then when your friend's birthday comes around, pick up that phone or if you dare... write.

I wouldn't mind a hundred Facebook wishes, but I’d take one foolscap note for them all.

This post stems partly from guilt, and party from inspiration. Mea culpa, and thank you Candice :)