All's bad that ends well

I have always prepared thoroughly for job interviews, but yesterday somehow found me in a lounge of a boutique media company, desperately calling zhengx -- 5 minutes before appointment time -- to brief me about my potential new employer. GGM #1.* Thankfully he does so in time, and I soon settle into the armchair to face my interviewers. I feel no tension -- thick skin borne many a rejection.

With a practised flip of my flippers, I negotiate the expected rigours for five minutes and all is going well, until with a frown of recognition I finally ask my co-interviewer, "Erm, aren't you Edmund Chen? The actor?" ............

'Edmund' (all that I had known him as before that) gives a knowing what-took-you-so-long smile, and suddenly the tables turn: the journalism graduate was now getting interviewed by the international movie star! A wave of awkwardness sweeps over me; as a so-called media person I failed to recognise his profile more readily. Trying to rescue myself by saying I don't watch much TV only makes it worse! GGM #2.

But I get over it, and I enjoy sharing about my track record -- until my female interviewer decides to test my top-in-JJC-for'A'-Levels-literature credentials. She quizzes me about King Lear, Wordsworth, Chaucer, et all. She looked like she knew; I was clueless. It exposed my open secret: I only topped the paper probably because everyone else was weak, not because I love The Bard or can discuss the great poets' styles. GGM #3.

I do okay for a few more minutes, then she throws the trump question: "If we give you the job, would you promise to stay for a year?" I am caught completely off guard. I can only say yes, as I am supposed to. I say I am looking to settle down in a job; I value training and will repay that with commitment; If I'm your man I will be your man. Smooth-of-word but not convinced-of-heart, my accumulated nervousness probably bubbles over, because I commit the supreme interview sin of NOT ASKING A SINGLE QUESTION! GGM #4 and #5.

But the horror session doesn't stop there. We chat about Edmund The Movie Star. I say that I noticed him when he first came in, mostly because he looks different, not corporate. THEN I say "also because he's so good looking." ..............

Palatable nervousness fills the room.

"You're not gay are you," the female interviewer asks with widened eyes, "not that we have anything against gays of course!" I blurt some response, but only succeed in digging a deeper hole: "He also dresses different, not corporate. It's refreshing! I can imagine him in the Maldives or something!"

This draws a audible gasp from the female interviewer. I mean to compliment his coolness (and distract from my earlier faux pas), but she probably takes it as a comment that he doesn't dress professionally. She half-chides-half-rescues me by replying that outward appearance doesn't matter, it's the quality of work that counts. GGM #6.

We talk about when they will call me back for the next round if they so want me, and I feel like a mouse being pawed by two cats. I don't know where to hide. I really just want to run out and jump off the 10th floor to escape the Interview Massacre.

Finally, they let me out.

Then I call the female interviewer by a wrong name. FML** GGM #7.

So it hit me with wicked irony that this morning, the HR person called to say they want me for a second round!